youth experience
Choices and more choices
By Ashleigh Givens

Baby needs a new pair of shoes—at least that is what my husband informed me yesterday when he was trying to wrestle our toddler into his socks and sneakers. It would seem that a callous has sprung up on His Highness’ chubby little foot, and so off to the shoe store goes Mom.

I have to steel myself up for this kind of shopping, because the sheer number of shoes from which I am forced to choose makes me exhausted from the moment I walk into the store. High top or low top? Blue or grey? Velcro or lace-up? I may have to lie down on that tiny padded bench and catch my breath….Thank goodness that my child’s short, fat foot automatically rules out about three-quarters of the shoes on the market. My current game plan is to march into the store and buy the exact same pair of shoes we now own in the next larger size. Actually stopping to consider all the choices at hand is too much for me.

In theory, we love the freedom of choice our culture holds in such high esteem. We can customize everything from our cell phone to computer to car to tennis shoes to hair color. A quick walk down the cereal aisle at the grocery store will reveal just how much we Americans value options. However, when theory turns to practice, this whole business of choice becomes a little scary —especially when it comes to the young people we love.

As adults, we realize the gravity of choice. Our experience tells us that even seemingly insignificant choices can carry major consequences that impact our lives for years to come, and so we desperately want to prepare our kids for the day when all the choices of life, from the minute to the monumental, will be theirs alone to make.

Knowing how much hangs in the balance, we often fall into the trap of preparing young people for life by simply telling them which choices they should make. We say, in essence, “If you are going to follow God, then you will…..abstain from sex, stay away from drugs, keep curfew, quit listening to raunchy music, not cheat on schoolwork.” This approach is straightforward, concrete and completely appropriate in many situations; young people do certainly need to hear God’s Word as clear and non-negotiable. However, when the guidance we off our kids can be summed up in a checklist of choices they should make, we have failed them as mentors and teachers. What happens when life varies from the script we have handed them? There is just no way to address every situation a child will ever face and arm them with the correct response. Eventually, life will present themwith options they had never even imagined, and they will end up like this bewildered mom in the shoe store—overwhelmed and confused.

The deeper problem with only teaching kids which choices to make is that following God becomes a whole lot of rulekeeping. All these do’s and don’ts become the tenants of the faith we pass on to our kids—as if these choices, in and of themselves, have the power to save or transform them. Adults who grew up in a religion of legalism will immediately recognize the faults in this brand of Christianity; those who did not have this misfortune need only read the book of Galatians to be convinced.

As I see the young people in my life move through adolescence and into adulthood, I am realizing that the real job of shepherds and mentors is not to tell kids what choice to make, but rather how to make choices. I cringe even as I read those words, because I know what a complicated task that can be. Thankfully, the gospels present us with a perfect example of just how this is done.

Jesus chose twelve men who would become intimately involved in His divine mission; in fact, He trained them to carry on this very mission after He would return to the Father, and the way in which He taught these men is very telling. Jesus could have spent three or four years drilling His apprentices on the finer points of the new covenant He was about to institute, hoping that He could prepare them for any dilemma that might present itself to this little band of disciples. If He had so desired, He could have even given them a very detailed strategy for how they were to grow and lead the church, including exactly what they should say, where they should go and what they should do. Instead He spent their precious time together focusing on attitudes, habits, and, above all else, relationships.

As we prepare our young people to take on the responsibility of exercising their free will, we must reflect the same spirit as Christ, who called his followers again and again to view their choices through the lens of relationship with God. No longer are life’s choices mere test questions that demand a correct answer; rather, every choice becomes an opportunity to draw just a little closer to the One we follow.

Ashleigh Givens can be reached at meridethashleigh@hotmail.com